looking for answers

I'm waiting for her to leave. Waiting - maybe then I'll get some inspiration. Maybe then, after my family is gone and I am left alone will I know where I should be standing.

The future is muddled, uncertain. Trust is fluid, trust does not really exist beyond thoughts. It does not extend into action. Where is my one knot, the one that will tie together all my loose ends? The peace of mind knot.

And stagnancy is relative. If I know it means nothing and that it will end, then it is not stagnant - it is constant motion. But, tell me how can one constantly be in motion but not be moving forward? Time's my car, though. I don't push myself forward, I am pushed forward.

He never asked me if he could leave.