visions

My body has disintegrated
I am level, finally
with the ground

my mouth is still
but my thoughts travel
from one end of the world
where I circled in worship
and back

here, where I used to live
in a quiet apartment with
others.

these are the words that I remember
reciting

and not reciting.

my fingers feel hot, sweaty.
But I cannot raise them to wipe
my forehead.

Dead leaves lie over my
face, just inches above.

If you're crying to me,
For me.
I cannot hear you.

But I hear their questions asked. Clearly.
violently.
The answers demanded from me
are so simple

and yet
they escape me, my mouth is still.
For all my studies, I do not know them.

The sky opens, I see my place in Jannah
disappear.
I see my place in Jahanam, built for
no other but me.

And I see you.
You who stood between me and my jannah
only because I let you.

My hands.
My hands are sweaty.